| America's canines barked raucously in a cacophony of jubilation today as world-renowned fine dining chain Denny's announced their latest culinary celebration - Baconalia™. |
Their new special menu, which sent all breakfast loving patriots into a spasm of joyous hosannas, features such delectable treats as bacon flapjacks, where bacon is embedded in every delicious bite, the Ultimate Bacon Breakfast™ (no explanation needed), their patented BBBL&T Sandwich™, with 8 strips of bacon (served on a bed of fries on a potato bun and only a mattering of that vegetable crap), and for dessert - a must for any serious bacon lover - their reportedly scrumptious Maple Bacon Sunday™ (redundantly monikered creamy vanilla ice cream, topped with bacon, doused with maple syrup, more ice cream, more syrup, and the piece de resistance, more bacon).
"In a way, this is a political statement on our part," said Denny's CEO Denny Hamlin. "Obama's nanny state mentality with his constant harping on healthy eating is a real threat to our business. Baconalia™ should change all that. Seriously, if bacon wasn't good for you, do you really think I could be a NASCAR champion in my spare time? I think when our new ads featuring Newt Gingrich hit the air, it's going to really drive that point home."
"Oh yes, I really do love bacon," agrees Gingrich, polishing off his second Maple Bacon Sunday™. "As a true American, I love my wife Callista, but I guess I love bacon even more. But you know who doesn't? Aside from Barack Obama, that is. Muslims. And I'm proud to know that from now on I should be able to enjoy a hearty breakfast without sharing the space with any of those people. But if there are, they'll be the ones sitting there with just eggs on their plate."
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