Friday, April 29, 2011

royal wedding

"Sweetheart! What in the world is wrong?"

"Boo hoo hoo hoo...That skanky scrubber has buggered up me wedding!"
"Wuh huh huh huh... I said that bleeding bumsucker has slashed on me nuptials."
"Get a grip, Brenda. I know you're upset but get hold of yourself and try to speak English."
"Sod off, you knob head! I am speaking bloody English."
"You're not British, Brenda. Remember?"
"Wuh huh huh... Huh? Oh my gosh, I forgot. What with all the people and all the excitement, I appear to have taken momentary leave of my senses... Nevertheless, there remains the fact that Kate Middleton has totally ruined my wedding. I suppose I shall evermore look back on this not as a bright day of joy but as a dark day of sorrow."
"A very expensive day of sorrow, just as an aside. How exactly has Kate Middleton ruined your wedding?"
"In every manner possible. Do you think it was my idea to have the ceremony at 6:00 in the morning? No, it was not. It was Kate Middleton's."
"True, Brenda, however there is a large time difference between here and London..."
"Hardly my fault! And I must say that it was insufferably rude for your sister to fall asleep during the ceremony."
"In her defense, she wasn't the only one who drifted off..."
"Yes, isn't it horrible? I spend six months planning this wedding and then to have people come and behave in such a deplorable manner.. Did you see all of the people who were looking at Kate Middleton instead of me?"
"Well, I can't say that I'm totally surprised, Brenda. You know I was opposed to having all of these television monitors here from the beginning..."
"You are so hopelessly naive, Peter. Everybody loves TV. But that doesn't give them an excuse to act so rudely. You could tell that some of them were just glued to Kate."
"I guess a lot of that could have been avoided just by having the TVs tuned to a different channel..."
"And miss the wedding of the century? Are you insane?"
"Getting there."
"You know what the worst part was? The very worst part was when the royal carriage stopped and... sniff... Kate Middleton got out and she was dressed exactly like me."
"Brenda, she was not dressed exactly like you."

"She was wearing white wasn't she?"
"Yes, I suppose she was..."
"My point exactly!"
"Come on, Brenda, let's go join the guests for tea and crumpets."

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