Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Right again

He has been mocked and reviled, but mainly just mocked. Howard Camping, however, will still have the last guffaw, and it most assuredly will be a hearty one. For while the foolish amongst us continue to belittle his apocalyptic predictions, Harold Camping knows the truth - Judgment Day really did happen 6:00 PM May 21, 2011, right on schedule.
"We've always said May 21 was the day," Camping explained on Family Radio International, "but we didn't understand altogether the spiritual meaning." And the spiritual meaning is that everybody really was judged, God just didn't make a big brouhaha out of it.
"It was a very difficult weekend," Camping admits. "Very difficult. "People want spectacle. I can understand that. I wanted spectacle, too. I wanted to fly through the air with my friends and family while the vast majority of the world's population was consumed by fire beneath me. But we'll all get our spectacle on October 21st when the Earth really will be totally obliterated. That's not to say that there won't be plenty of earthquakes and floods and tornados and other sundry disasters over the next five months, it just means that the Lord has decided against any really big production numbers. He apparently has little interest in competing with the likes of Michael Bay."
Camping realizes that there are those who, following his failed 1994 doomsday prediction and a raptureless Saturday, will react to his latest world destruction deadline with skepticism. As a matter of fact, he predicted as much.
"Another successful prophecy," he chuckles, "so there's really no reason to be skeptical of my explanation about last Saturday. An invisible judgment? What's so hard to believe about that? Even mortal men make judgments all the time without any visible signs, so it's not all that hard to imagine the Creator could pronounce six billion of these verdicts in a twenty-four hour span. However, for the cynics among you, I hold in my hand a copy of the Lord's own accounts receivable ledger, which contains the names of everyone scheduled to be raptured October 21st. I'd show it to you but the print is really tiny, and besides, it's a loaner copy."
With the end times absolutely positively less than five months away, Camping feels no regret for followers who liquidated their earthly goods and now face the prospect of working an extra job for a few months. He believes they'll be just fine, although he predicts that some of them may file frivolous lawsuits against them, while further predicting that the world will be destroyed before they ever reach the docket. He intends to keep a low profile with no further warnings because why bother?
"I mean really, you're either in the good Lord's account receivables or you're not," he says logically. "All of the damned should just go ahead and sin their heads off. And those of you who consider themselves saved, I think I spy a short term escape clause for you too."


  1. As Dubya might say, "Bring it on!"

  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

  3. Another big party on October 21st?

    Ya'll coming?

    GAO sponsoring!

    Love ya,