Sunday, July 17, 2011

Great Americans

"...and that's one of the things I admire so much about you. Let's take a look at video of something you revealed to Chris Wallace yesterday here at FOX News."
Earlier this week you made remarks about the planned mosque in Murfreesboro Tennessee that stirred quite a bit of controversy. Would you like to take this opportunity to further fan those flames?
Yes I would, Chris. Let's go back to the fundamental issue. Islam is both a religion and a set of laws - Sharia laws. That's the difference between any one of our good traditional American religions where it's just about religious purposes.
Really? What about Judaism? It has a lot of laws. So, you're saying that any community, if they want to ban a mosque...
Yes, they have the right to do that. That's not discriminating based upon their particular religion. The people in the community know what it is that I mean and they're talking about it.
I'm sure they are, Mister Cain, but that doesn't make it right. Are you really willing to restrict people's rights because of their religion?
Don't be such a pussy, Chris. I'm simply saying I owe it to the American people to be cautious because terrorists are trying to kill us, okay? Capiche?
Wow, so few people are willing to just come out and say it, particularly to Chris Wallace. That is so powerful because it's so true - the terrorists are Moslems and they are trying to kill us.
That's why I say it, Sean, because I'm a truthsayer. The Asians want to kill us as well, but at least they don't build these obnoxious mosques in our communities.
Well said. Let me ask you something - how would you like to be a friend of the Sean Hannity Show?
I don't know. What would I have to do in order to accomplish such a lofty achievement?
Just be a guest on the show every couple of weeks and call me a great American.
And what would I get in return?
Well, not only would I call you a friend of the show, I'd call you one of the serious candidates.
I am one of the serious candidates, Hannity. What else you got?
You can call in anytime you want to weigh in on a topic, no matter who's already on the show. And I would call you by your first name.
I would expect that if I wanted to weigh in on something, you'd feature me as a regular guest. And I'd prefer you call me Mister Cain. Is that all you have?
I can get you an autographed copy of all of my books.
You're starting to lose me now, Hannity.
Wait. What about two fifty dollar gift certificates to Ruth's Criss Steak House and a Pajamagram?
I drive a hard bargain, don't I, buddy?
You're a great American, Mister Cain.


  1. I'm glad I missed that on the teevee. And I'm glad we have the right to Ban Herman Cain.

  2. Ruth's Chris Steak House. Founded by Ruth who bought the Criss Steak House.

    It's big in Fayetteville, NC, and I even got taken out to dinner there in Puerto Rico by an ignorant business manager who didn't think anyone wanted to eat at a Puerto Rican place.

    Ha! He cringed when I told him about the Fayetteville one.

    They've already applied to rename it.

    Love ya, baby!