Friday, July 15, 2011

you are my sunshine


"This is a great day for America, and a pretty fine one for me as well," said a clearly delighted Michele Bachmann, shortly after her first significant piece of legislation was passed by the House. "The future looks bright, and I'd say that I look pretty bright too for introducing this fine bill.
 
Back in March, when Bachmann introduced her revolutionary Light Bulb Freedom of Choice Act, people scoffed at the very idea that one individual could make a difference in the nation's consumption of incandescent lighting, Today they know differently. Assuming Senate passage, we will never again have to fear another intrusive government program recklessly promoting so-called energy efficient light bulbs.
 
"When I first introduced this bill, the mainstream media was accusing me of being a bit of a dull bulb," Bachmann continued. "But you know who's a dim bulb? Those squiggly pig-tail things the government wants you to use. Plus, they are without a doubt the ugliest things ever, and an insult to one of our greatest founding fathers, Thomas Edison, who first created an item which is every bit as beautiful and vital to our way of life now as it was back in those days of yore following the enlightenment."
 
Although elimination of intrusive government program recklessly promoting so-called energy efficient light bulbs is undoubtedly an impressive moment in Bachmann's glowing legacy, she feared for a moment that it might not become a reality.
 
"I introduced the legislation earlier this week under suspension rules," Bachmann explains. "I was so certain that it would pass that I didn't notice that suspension rules mean you have to get a two thirds majority, and I suppose you can guess what happened next - obstructionist Democrats. I was devastated. But today Congressman Michael Burgess re-introduced it as an amendment to a different bill and saved the day."
 
"I might have saved the day, but it's Michele who saved the light bulb shaped light bulb," Burgess told the House. "Let me read a line from a letter I received from a constituent, a man known as Dave. Dave says 'The traditional 100 watt light bulb is like having sunshine in your home'. To which I can only add, please don't take my sunshine away. The federal government has no right to tell me or any other citizen what type of light bulb to use at home. It is our right to choose, and they can have my bulb only when they can screw it out of my cold dead socket."

3 comments:

  1. 'Cold dead socket'? Why do you always have to drag sex into it, Mark?

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  2. 1000 Names of VishnuJuly 16, 2011 at 10:27 AM

    While in agreement that Michele McBauerlumpen should be beheaded ASAP, the new Al Gore-style curly eco-bulbs do suck shit, cost a bundle, and do little or nothing in terms of environmental issues--behead Al too.

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