small business celebrates tax cut extension

"Hey, buddy... Hey... Yeah, you with the fancy schmancy suit on... How bout a red hot? Yeah you, Wall Street, I asked if you wanna dog. Best dogs in town. C'mon, I'm celebratin, have a dog. Mustard, onions, chili, the works. Of course I got sauerkraut, you kiddin me? Okay, here you go, one Iron Mike's all the way."   "Nah, fuggedaboutit. Like I said, I'm celebratin. Usually be four bucks but this dog's on me. Course you wanna drop somethin in the tip jar, nothin I can do about it except say thanks pal. What? You want change for that? You didn't buy nothin, buddy, I ain't gonna give you change. What do I look like, a friggin bank? Just drop the whole thing in the jar, you look like you can afford it. There you go... Thanks, pal."   "What am I celebratin? Same thing I'm guessin you are unless you always indulge in a dog at eight-thirty in the morning. And I know you don't cause I never seen you at Iron Mike's before. The tax cut, Rockefeller, we got our tax cut extention. Boy, it looked a little shaky there for a little bit, but now we gonna be able to face the new year with a little more confidence."   "Whadaya mean, do I do this part time? Hell no, Sherlock, I'm out here eight hours a day, five days a week slingin dogs. Used to be twelve hours seven days a week, but the past coupla years have been real good to Iron Mike's, so I hired a couple part timers to run the stand when I'm not here I'm a mall businessman, that's why I'm celebratin the tax cuts. Real friggin important for us entrepreneurs."   "Yeah, more people eatin dogs, guess they're gettin tired of that upscale froufrou food. Then I added the gourmet dogs, your kielbasas, your polishes, your brats, even added a tofu, figured I'd get some business from you Wall Street guys. Never did, but a lot of other folks like to stop by and treat themselves. Now I'm not sayin I'm pullin a quarter mil yet, but if I was, I don't need Uncle Sam to be eyeing my margin too closely, know what I mean? Yeah, course you do, forget I asked."   "Sure I gotta napkin, whadaya talkin about, this is Iron Mike's, we're a full service joint. Here you go, pal, Napkin's on me. Course you wanna drop somethin in the tip jar, nothin I can do about it except say thanks."

Ax cuts

The under-$250,000 portion of the Democratic base is pig-bitin' mad today after senior presidential aide David Axelrod signaled (i.e. said with his mouth) that President Obama is now willing to compromise (i.e. capitulate) with the GOP over extending tax cuts for the wealthy.   "We have to deal with the world as we find it," Axelrod told the Huffington Post, noting that Obama's highest priority was extending tax cuts for the middle class "The world of what it takes to get this done is a wild world, full of savage Republicans with big teeth and big money and they pretty much scare the bejesus out of us."

Happy news spurs party plan

The Republican leadership is ecstatic over a just released report from the Joint Committee on Taxation that analyzes the cost of extending the Bush tax cuts. According to the nonpartisan number crunchers, the extension would add 238 billion to the federal deficit in 2011. "There are members of Congress that feel this is still too high, including some in my own party," said Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell. "I would agree, while pointing out that this is less than a third of President Obama's wasteful stimulus plan. Nevertheless, it is clear that proliferate spending must be brought under control, and I believe that the American people are willing to make sacrifices to achieve that end. The most interesting thing about this study is the fact that extending these tax cuts to those of us that make over a quarter million dollars a year, who the Obama administration childishly labels as the richest Americans, would cost only a paltry 36 billion next year. I'd call that a bargain." "A bargain? Indeed it is," agreed House Minority Leader Boehner. "That's not much more than the Democrats just rammed through to pay off all the unionized special interests in the schools and police departments. All about political payoffs, wasn't it, Mitch?" "You bet, John, whereas extending our cuts let's us hardworking Americans keep a little liquidity in our pockets during a time of real economic hardship. That's why I'm excited that we're together today to tell everyone about the exciting new GOP plan to both keep more of our own money and turn around the economy at the same time." "It is an exciting plan, Mitch. You know, this report was a real eye opener, and it seems that as usual, the devil is in the details. Would you care to expound on that?" "Glad to, John. It seems that a careful examination of this report reveals the shocking fact that a full 202 billion dollars is added to the deficit by extending the tax cuts to the least wealthy 98% of Americans. That's six times as much as is added by the so-called rich. Hardly fair and equitable." "Hardly fair at all, Mitch. And as we all know, giving money to people who are only going to use it to pay bills or buy food doesn't aid one bit in the important task of job creation." "That's right, John. It's like pouring water down a drain. It's gone and you've got nothing to show for it. Whereas 87% of money saved by the rich goes directly into job creation. That's a fact straight from the Heritage Foundation. That's why we're together today to announce our exciting plan to extend the Bush tax cuts only to those making more than $250,000." "It's a great strategy, Mitch. 202 billion in deficit reduction and 36 billion for job creation." "We don't need to exaggerate, John. That's 202 billion in deficit reduction and 31.32 billion in job creation." "Not all of us wear a calculator watch, McConnell. I was close enough for government work." "Steady as she goes, John. The important thing is our plan is bringing America together in the spirit of shared sacrifice." "And it most assuredly is shared sacrifice, Mitch, because the top 2% will be paying the same rate on their first $250,000 as the rest of the country." "Oh. That's right. So if I'm not mistaken, that means 202.74 billion in deficit reduction. This is a great plan, John." "It is a great plan, Mitch."