Friday, July 2, 2010

Go Michael!

Did I hear you right, Chairman Steele? Did you really just give me an exclusive?
In a manner of speaking I did, Geraldo. I mean, this is the same thing I said in a speech Thursday night, but it's the first time I've said it on television - the United States should get out of Afghanistan. It's a war of Obama's choosing and it's probably a lost cause.
Wow, this is great. You know I don't get a lot of exclusives these days like I did back when I was a young buck.
Times change, Geraldo, but some things never change, like the inability of anyone in the last thousand years to engage in land war in Afghanistan.
A thousand years is about how long it feels since I last had an exclusive. I guess in 2008 when I was in Galveston and got knocked over by the storm surge debris live on the air was a bit of an exclusive, but the other media outlets never really picked up on it...
Uh huh. I tell you, Geraldo, I actually thought it was downright funny when General McChrystal got fired, because he should have known better than to be caught up in that mess.
You know what the problem is? My time slot. Weekends at 10PM, following Mike Huckabee of all people. Nobody wants to give you an exclusive with a time slot like that...
Rahm? Hey it's me. Can you get your butt over here to the office ASAP? There's something on FOX News that you're not going to want to miss.

Yeah, boss, what's up?
It's Michael Steele on the Geraldo show, and he's coming out against the war in Afghanistan.
I'm telling you, boss, that idiot is suicidal. Let me grab a couple beers out of the fridge.
Let's talk turkey for a moment, Chairman Steele... Isn't the rest of the Republican Party going to crucify you for your remarks?
They've tried and failed before, Geraldo. Sure, Bill Kristol and a few of the far right bloggers are getting their panties in a wad, but I think by the time this show airs tomorrow they'll agree with me.
Seriously? I guess I'd have to say that strikes me as a little bit counterintuitive.
Not really, Geraldo. After all, the GOP's recent surge in the polls has all been based on opposing President Obama, and it seems to me that we've totally missed the boat on Afghanistan.
So you think that by reversing position and opposing the war you could actually attract more voters than you would lose?
I know we could. That war represents billions of American dollars that could help bring relief to the economy Obama has destroyed through tax cuts, and also destroy his dream of a second term.
I believe what I hear you saying is that if Obama loses the war, it would be his Waterloo.
No, Geraldo. It would be his Afghanistan.
You know, Rahm, I wasn't particularly happy with the sound of that. They want to make me the star of a brand new metaphor. Could that possibly work?
Hmm... Well, there's no way Steele could get the entire GOP on that page, but with enough votes, particularly if they take a lot of seats in November, they could be in a position to cut off funding...
And then we wouldn't have any other option than to start bringing the troops home.
Right. But keep in mind America's obsession with losing a war, even an unpopular one. By 2012, there would be a tremendous amount of finger pointing, and none of it would be at you.
So not only would we finally be out of that shit-hole, but the voters would blame the Republicans?
We would be out of that shit-hole and people would blame the Republicans.
Go Michael!
Go Michael!
Go Michael!
Go Michael!

Goodnight Chairman Steele, and thank you for that marvelous exclusive.


  1. May Allah be praised, Mark, for all the time you obviously have on your hands! You may have noticed that Allah has blessed me in the same way.

  2. Ain't that a kicker. The GOP's gonna win on an anti-war stance re: a war the Dem's pursued!? In an ongoing war, people can keep winning an anti-war stance over and over and over again.

  3. Oh, and Geraldo, you got the scoop first. Got it. I vote he play Oates in the movie to make his comeback.