During yesterday afternoon's press conference, President Obama let it be known that following his dramatic chastisement by the voters, he was now ready to take the necessary steps to 'just get along'. One example of his newfound desire to compromise was his apparent willingness to end his foolish opposition to well-deserved tax cuts for those making over a quarter million a year.
"This seems to be an issue of immense importance to the American people, so whatever," Obama admitted. "Although I've got to admit that it doesn't seem to jive with the other immensely important goal of bringing down the deficit. Maybe that's just me - I am, after all, a deeply flawed individual. So okay, I guess I'm willing to support tax cuts for the wealthy just as long as the GOP is willing to not blame me when it increases the deficit."
"The American people didn't put the Republican Party back on the road to glory just to see us cutting backroom deals," said Speaker-in-Waiting Boehner upon hearing the President's offer. "Of course we'll blame Obama when the deficit rises again. Taxes aren't the problem, it's these huge government programs like Cap and Trade that are the problem."
"Cap and Trade is as dead as a doornail," Obama said at another point of his press conference. "We've never even been able to get it to the Senate floor, and we never will. Apparently there are numerous business interests who feel that global warming doesn't exist but even if it does it's no big deal. And really, who am I to argue? I mean, I'm a politician, not a climatologist."
"And he's not a doctor, either," added presumed Majority Leader Cantor. "So why has he forced this Health Care Legislation down our throats? I'll tell you why - because once the government is in charge of health care, they have the power to control and manipulate every aspect of our lives."
"Young Eric has a point," admitted Obama. "I mean, I certainly didn't intend for Health Care to become the launching point for a fascist dictatorship, but I've got to admit it has that potential. Who knows what sort of unscrupulous leader might arise in the future and use it's mechanisms for evil? It could happen. I suppose we need to revamp it in a way that would... Nah, probably better off to just repeal the whole damn thing."
"Oh, so now he's talking about launching a fascist dictatorship," tweeted presidential frontrunner Sarah Palin.
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