Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Subj: Wake up Governor

To: TPaw@aol.com
From: bdover@gmail.com


So it's come down to this, has it? Lately I've been trying to keep my anger inside. My wife Patsy even tells me that  I've been doing a reasonably good job of it. No more impassioned emails blindly sent off in the middle of the night - that was my New Year's Resolution, and so far I've been able to bide by it.
Don't think I don't know who you are, Mister Pawlenty. Your given name is Tim and you're the Governor of Minnesota. I know where you live, too - the Governor's Mansion. Think I don't know how to find you? Two words, buddy. Google Maps. I just head down Summit Avenue, take a right at South Oxford, then the first left, and BOOM! I'm right there, buddy.
Fortunately for both of us, I've decided to break my New Year's Resolution, which in retrospect was probably a bad promise to have made to begin with. Well, I didn't promise anyone but Patsy and myself, and we both know I'm in here reading you the riot act, except for Patsy, who's watching Leno. My point is that if I had not broken my resolution, I may well have given into my urge to crank it on up to Saint Paul and give you the sort of tongue lashing you so richly deserve, although that's probably against the law in Minnesota, but I'm so steamed that I don't care. Just don't be showing up in Southwest Virginia anytime soon, that's all I've got to say.
I think you know the problem, don't you buddy? See, I'm a state elected GOP official myself and as such I try to keep up with what's happening in the Republican Party, not just here, but also in Minnesota. So I was doing my afternoon reading today, and I came across a piece entitled 'Tim Pawlenty jabs Sarah Palin over crosshairs'. Needless to say, that caught my interest. My first though was, I'm sure this is journalistic hyperbole. You know how these political sites are, just trying to grab your eyeballs. No way Tim Pawlenty actually jabbed Sarah Palin. I mean, I've heard of you, but most people, I mention your name, they just give me a blank stare.
But I read the piece, and I've got to tell you, it made my jaw drop. It says you were on 'Good Morning America' - I know they've got a lot of time to fill up - and they ask you about this little controversy the lamestream media is drumming up on Sister Sarah. You know what I'm talking about, don't you buddy, the map with the crosshair targets of Democrats she wanted to target. Kind of a cute little graphic, but what did you say?
"I wouldn't have done it." Jesus Christ that was rude! Didn't your mama ever tell you if you can't say anything nice, then don't say any thing at all?
But you couldn't leave it alone there, could you? You had to add "It would not have been my style to put crosshairs on there."
You did jab Palin, you son of a bitch!
Holy Mother of God, your style! Putting aside your fashion choices (in every way inferior to Sarah's), I know full well what you were doing - playing the class card. You've got way too much panache to ever bother getting down and dirty in the fight for America's soul.
I'm sure that everybody on 'Good Morning America' was as shocked as I was. I don't know, the article doesn't say. Probably George Stephanopoulos wasn't shocked, but I know everyone else probably was. So let me just share a little insight with you, buddy, cause those who don't learn from history are in for a whole world of hurt.
Maybe you remember September 11, 2001. I'm willing to bet that you do. Now there's a few nutcases on the left who think think that was an inside job, and there's a lot more lefties who think Bush just let it happen so he could pursue Iran. Both of those theories are bullhockey, but I'll tell you what. Once it did happen, old GWB used the opportunity for everything it was worth. And that's exactly what's happening right this minute.
It would be crazy to suggest that Obama ordered those shootings in Arizona, or even to suggest that he let it happen, but if that's what the battle requires, that's exactly what we'll say. Because what is happening should be as clear as the nose on your face - Obama is going to use this tragedy to try and take our guns. Smell the conspiracy, buddy, thousands of bloggers are shouting the truth already, even though the lamestream media hasn't given it word one. First comes the talk about 'civility'. Then it's a 'reasonable conversation about our current gun laws' and then BOOM!, America is a slave nation.
You're trying to sabotage us, buddy, whether you know it or not. I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you jabbed Palin out of pride or ignorance, but whatever the case, you have proven yourself totally unfit to ever be the President of the United States. Maybe Sarah Palin is too, if that's any consolation, but at least her heart is in the right place,

Keeping an eye on you,
Ben Dover *
*Not my real name, my blogger name. Can't be too careful.


  1. I thought Bend Over was a British porn company or producer or something.

  2. Or was it Ben Dover? Pehaps Bendo Ver.