Monday, April 25, 2011

the great escape

Hamid? This is Barrack Obama. I wanted to... What do you mean you'll check to see if he's in the office today? Listen, President Karzai, I recognize your voice, I know it's you. I wanted to say that I was really disturbed to hear that you let the Taliban free 500 of their people from Sarposa prison last night... Only 486? Well, that's really not a lot of difference... Yes, I know it's fourteen less, but I... And you were able to recapture 26? Goody gumdrop, that's only 460 left to go... Goody gumdrop? That's an American expression. It means that you're not really making things a hell of a lot better... Well good, it's good to know that you feel bad about it too.
The thing is, you keep assuring me that you're ready to provide for your own country's security but this is just another indication to me that you're not even close... I'm sorry that was hurtful, but you know I always try to be straight with you. How could such a thing even happen... Right... Uh huh... I already knew it was a great big tunnel. I guess you misunderstood my question. What I'm asking is where was your security? Where were the guards? What was... You let everybody take their lunch break at the same time? I almost believe that... No, it is not a great excuse... Because I've got pictures right here on my desk along with a fresh intelligence report... What does it say? You're kidding, right... Well, I don't suppose I can blame you for not trusting your own intelligence sources.
Look, the hole they escaped through was pretty small, just big enough for one prisoner at a time, and then they had to crawl a thousand feet to exit. We figure even if they were hustling, even if the Taliban were beating feet, it had to take the at least four or five hours to get everybody out. Probably longer. And you're telling me that your most dangerous prisoners are spending that much time crawling down a hole and nobody in the prison is going to notice? That is... Yes, yes that does look pretty bad... Somebody's going to get fired? Well good, somebody should get fired. A lot of people should get fired. Because there's also the matter of the keys... The keys? You've probably seen the inside of a prison before... No, I'm implying no such thing. I'm just saying you know the layout... You've got an escape tunnel which leads to a cell, okay? So you go in, rescue the people in that cell, and then what? You've got to unlock that cell so you can go and unlock the other cells. And anyway you cut it that's a lot of keys... You keep twenty men to a cell? That's still twenty-five keys, Hamid, and that's an inside job.
Yeah, well I certainly do hope you try to do better... No, I'm not trying to nag you, it's just that we're not going to be there forever... I get it. I know you're glad about that. But I'd hate to see your country descend into total chaos. And Hamid? I don't think that would work out very well for you either... Okay. I'll keep in touch... You have a nice day too.

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