one day at the fair...

"Next in line... Hello, little girl. What can I do for you?"   "You can get this creepy man to take his hands off me."   "Hey mister, leave the kid alone. Anything else, little girl?"   "Yes, I want a pork chop on a stick."   "Uh huh, and I want a Swedish massage. You got six dollars?"   "I'm not going to pay to give you a massage."   "You got a smart mouth on you, kid. Next in line... Hey, buddy, what were you doing touchin' that smart-mouth kid? You a pervert or somethin'?"   "No, no, I was feeling woozy and just grabbed her for support... I was just across the way, viewing the butter cow, and then one of the locals bet me I couldn't eat fried butter on a stick... and the next thing I knew my heart was racing..."   "One of the locals, huh? That's a funny way to talk. You one of those presidential candidates or somethin'?"   "Indeed I am. I'm Jon Huntsman, former governor of Utah, and I'm running for the Republican presidential nomination."   "You got a smart mouth on you, mister. Ain't nobody by the name of Huntsman runnin' for president. Next in line."   "No, really I am. See that boom mike over my head?"   "That is a tad suspicious... If you runnin' for president, how come I ain't seen you before?"   "Well, that's because I haven't been in Iowa before. As a matter of fact I'm only here now for the debate tonight, and I thought, guess I might as well go see the butter cow."   "She's a real beauty, ain't she? Might be the best butter cow we ever had at the fair."   "Definitely the best I've ever seen... I really need something to get rid of this fried butter taste. What do you have to eat?"   "You got a real smart mouth on you, don't you? We got pork chops. On sticks."   "I guess... let me have a pork chop on a stick."   "I ain't gonna let you have one, but I'll sell you one for six bucks. You got six dollars?"   "Sure, sure, here you go."   "All righty, then. Let me see if I can fix you up... Reckon I'll be seein' a lot of you, now that you decided to run for president."   "No, not really. I don't plan on campaigning in Iowa."   "Don't plan on campignin' in Iowa? That's crazy talk. If everybody thought like you, I'd never get a free breakfast. You don't like Iowa or somethin'?"   "It seems to be a very nice state, but I don't support ethanol subsidies, so I figure it would be a wasted effort."   "You don't support ethanol subsidies? I reckon you must be one of those big government liberals who think you got a right to interfere with our livelihoods by comin' in here and takin' away our ethanol subsidies. You got a real smart mouth on you, buddy, real smart. Here's your six dollars. Next in line."   "Wait, I really need something to eat."   "You might be able to get Gladys in the next booth down to sell you a fried Twinkie if you can learn to keep your mouth shut."