Monday, April 5, 2010

Karzai increasingly feisty

Afghanistan's President Hamid Karzai lashed out again at the West this weekend, accusing the United States of interfering in Afghan affairs. Karzai's remarks came just two days after his apology to Hillary Clinton for accusing the US of rigging the Afghan election (which he miraculously won anyway).

"Just what makes Captain Obvious think the we're interfering in his country's affairs," said the exasperated Secretary of State. "Is it the 100,000 troops we have fighting there, or the billions of dollars worth of aid that he keeps misdirecting? Honestly, sometimes I don't even know why we bother. Wait, I remember why. Because if we weren't fighting in that hellhole, the Republicans would say we're soft on terror."

Karzai, who has been getting increasingly cozy with Iran, has begun visiting tribal elders and telling them they have veto power over any further military operations, implying that the insurgency may soon be legitimized as a national resistance.

"Well that's opening up a whole new can of worms, isn't it?" said General Stanley McChrystal, lead Commander in Afghanistan. "Of course, a can of worms is considered a delicacy in this godforsaken wasteland, but the point is, I surely don't savor the idea of being considered an occupier rather than a liberator. I suppose it would be unsoldierly of me to say this whole thing is starting to look like a lost cause, wouldn't it? Yeah, that's what I thought, so I won't say it."

Karzai appeared to have reached the boiling point on Saturday when he met with Parliament to berate them for refusing to give him the power to appoint all the members of the Electoral Complaints Commission. "If you and the international community pressure me more," he told them, "I swear that I am going to join the Taliban."

"Whoops-a-daisy," said Clinton, upon hearing these remarks. "I think I see a possible solution to our Karzai problem."

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