Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Rudy and Mahmoud express displeasure with new nuclear policy

The man known as 'America's Mayor' and the man known as 'The Handsomest Guy in Iran' found themselves surprisingly in agreement today as they appeared together via live video on the FOX News 'Your World with Neil Cavuto' to debate the topic of President Obama's nuclear weapons plan. Although coming from two different directions, they both agreed that the new strategy was both inept and insane.

"President Obama thinks we can all hold hands, sing songs, and have peace symbols," Giuliani said. "North Korea and Iran are not singing along with the president. Knowing that, it just doesn’t make sense why we would reduce our nuclear arms when we face these threats."

"In truth, the people of Iran know very few American songs," replied Ahmadinejad, "but I totally agree that holding hands should be discouraged in public. But you know, Mayor Giuliani, American materialist politicians, whenever they are beaten by logic, immediately resort to their weapons like cowboys."

"Cowboys? More like hooligans if you ask me. As mayor, I fought for tougher gun control laws, and they brought down crime dramatically. On the other hand, Barack Obama has taken so many steps backward in dealing with national security. Don't you think, President Ahmadinejad, that Obama just doesn't understand the concept of leverage?"

"Indeed I do, Mayor Giuliani. If I could speak to him right now I would say 'Mr. Obama, you are a newcomer to politics. Wait until your sweat dries and get some experience. Be careful not to read just any paper put in front of you or repeat any statement recommended'."

"Absolutely, Mr President. I worked for a president, Ronald Reagan, who understood that brilliantly, and that’s how he won the Cold War. You need to appear to be unpredictable. Reagan’s State Department understood that you need to create pressure, to create something they’re afraid of. Tell me where Obama has done that."

"I can't tell you, Mayor Giuliani, because Iran is not afraid of some paper tiger who is under the pressure of capitalists and the Zionists. He couldn't do a damn thing."

"Well, he couldn't do a damn thing right, I'll grant you that. Say, do you mind if I call you Mahmoud?"

"Not at all, Rudy. You know I like the philosophy of Ronald Reagan you just brought up, that you need to create something people are afraid of. Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, the man I work for, follows much the same philosophy."

"I'll tell you straight, Mahmoud, a nuclear-free world has been a 60-year dream of the Left, just like socialized health-care."

"Yes, it is a foolish dream to think that Iran would willingly give up our nuclear destiny."

"Don't let the bastards get you down, Mahmoud. This is an administration in a state of confusion about how to deal with terrorism. They’re out of control. It’s not inconsequential how the president dithers over so many issues, yet when it comes to dealing with Israel, one of our strongest allies, he doesn’t show much ambiguity."

"That is a certainty, Rudy. He always greets Israel with the sort of hugs and kisses a mother would offer a child."

"Are you kidding? With Israel, he has been extremely hostile."

"Sorry, Rudy, I forgot that you don't hate the Jews."

"No apology needed, Mahmoud, I forgot that you do. But with everything else we have in common, let's just agree to disagree on that one."

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