Another fair and balance 'Two-sided Debate'

Welcome back to the Factor, and now it's time for another of the Factor's exclusive 'Two-sided Debates'. Tonight it's a fair and balanced two-sided look at Clint Eastwood. Has he now become politically compromised in the eyes of the conservative majority, who see his Superbowl commercial for Chrysler as a thinly veiled love letter to Barrack Obama? Or not?   Last night I took a look at this issue and opined that it was much ado about nothing. Mister Eastwood is an American icon and deserves to be given the benefit of the doubt. Millions of Americans, however, do not agree, and my producers tell me that the tweets have been rolling in continuously since my broadcast. Tonight, for our 'Two-sided Debate', we have Karl Rove - who said just last night on the Factor that he was offended by the ad - representing the right. And for the left, we have FOX News liberal Alan Colmes, who probably enjoyed the ad immensely. Gentlemen, welcome back to the Factor.

Good evening, Bill. Third night this week and it's only Tuesday.

Good evening, Bill. I should say that I'm not really Alan Colmes - I'm Neil Cavuto... You know, four in the afternoon... Here on FOX News...

yawn... Tonight you're Alan Colmes, Cavuto. All our liberals are out doing primary coverage. See if you can wing it. It's not that difficult a shtick. Okay, Rove, what do you think the message of this ad is?

I told you what I thought of it last night, O'Reilly. It's disgusting. It shows what happens when what happens when the president of the United States and his political minions are using our tax dollars to buy corporate advertising and the best-wishes of the management which is benefited by getting a bunch of our money that they’ll never pay back.

That's precisely what you told me last night. I thought that perhaps in the intervening twenty-three hours you had an opportunity to come up with something a bit more pithy.

Well, I haven't had a spare moment since primary season started, O'Reilly. And I don't know how I ended up with a contract that requires me to appear every time you snap your fingers.

It's called having the number one rated program in all of cable television, Rove. How about you, Allen? What do you have to say to Clint Eastwood?

Oh. Uh... Good evening, Mister Eastwood, it's a real honor to meet you. I'd like to say that I'm a huge fan of your movies, particularly the more recent liberal ones, and...

Ever notice how you come across somebody once in a while you shouldn't have fucked with? That's me. I'll blow a hole in your face then go inside and sleep like a baby.

I apologize, Mister Eastwood, I didn't mean to imply that you had become...

That's a picture, Colmes. You're talking to a picture. We just put a couple lines of dialogue from 'Grand Torino' behind as an amusing little experiment.

Although I've got to admit, that sounds like something Clint would say if he ever came face to face with Alan Colmes.

Bingo. By acknowledging that as Eastwood's probable response to a meeting with Alan Colmes, you have confirmed my supposition from last night that any perceived endorsement of the Obama administration in this ad is distortion on your part to create false outrage as a means to score cheap political points.

Curse you, O'Reilly, you've managed to thwart my best attempts at spin once again!

Of course. After all, this is a no spin zone. And you're watching the Factor, where in a fair and balanced 'Two-sided Debate', the winner is most often the moderator.

Newton and Neil

"Joining us now is the distinguished albeit disgraced former Speaker of the House, Newton Gingrich. Welcome to the show, Mister Speaker."   "Thanks, Neil. If I could just correct one thing - it's plain old Newt. Nobody calls me Newton."   "I do. I think it's funnier, you know, like Fig Newtons? Boy, I'll bet you hear that one a lot."   "No, not too much..."   "I haven't seen you around much lately, but I understand that you're still running for president. Have you intentionally been hiding from the press?"   "Not at all, Neil, it's just that this is the first show that's invited me to be on in the last few weeks. I can't figure it out. You would think that I would be flooded with requests right now."   "No, that's not what I would think. The biggest story of the past few weeks has been the impending financial meltdown, and it probably wouldn't occur to anyone to have Newton Gingrich on to discuss that."   "Newt. My god, Neil, I was Speaker during the greatest government shutdown of modern times."   "You old timers really love talking about the glory days, don't you? I want to talk about comments that..."   "A few days ago I saw you talking to Herman Cain about the debt limit, for Pete's sake."   "Well, why wouldn't I? He's a real businessman, so he knows a thing or two about the topic. But okay, I'll play along with you. What do you  think should be done about the debt limit?"   "I think we need to reach a deal and raise it. It's been..." "Ha. I knew you were going to say that, that's why I didn't even want to ask you for your expert opinion."   "I think we might get a deal by this weekend, although that might not prevent the nation from getting a credit downgrade."   "Uh huh."   "Look, the credit downgrade is baloney; it’s based on Wall Street politics, it's not based on reality."   "That's what we cover on 'Your World with Neil Cavuto, Wall Street and politics. Are you saying this show is baloney?"   "No, what I'm saying is that all this talk of financial Armageddon is an effort to scare the American people."   "I'm not scared. Are you scared?"   "Well, not me personally, but people like our seniors..."   "People like you."   "No, people older than me. People who are afraid that we're going to take away their Social Security and Medicare."   "Well, aren't we?"   "Yes, but not right away. We're talking further down the road."   "I suppose that's okay for you to say, but a lot of our Tea Party friends might not approve of that sort of half-stepping. You've got a lot of nice things, don't you?"   "Uh, why?"   "I saw a clip of you a couple of days ago talking about all your money and how happy you were you could buy nice things. Nice things, that really made me laugh."   "Everybody likes nice things. Don't you?"   "Not from Tiffany's. I've got to ask myself, how many diamonds does one person need?"   "I feel like I've discussed that to death. I really don't have anything further to say on the topic."   "I'm only asking because I just saw a clip of you saying that a couple of days ago, which I thought was pretty funny. I'm like, old Newton is still talking about Tiffany's. Are you saying that you're comfortable talking about it with some third-string reporter in Boston but not with me?"   "Look, Neil, a diamond is a girl's best friend, except, of course, for little Newt... No, no, that's probably ribald, and in fact is not true. Diamonds are a girl's best friend. Little Newt possibly might run a distant fourth, and that's distressing too, given Calista's limited number of friends."   "That's funny. You're a funny guest, and I'm glad you're going to be visiting us frequently."   "I am?"   "Oh yes. I talked to Hannity a few days ago and he said that I could have you."   "What do you..."   "When Hannity or O'Reilly get tired of a guest, FOX sometimes let's me have dibbs on the ones I want. You're mine now."   "Oh. Well, I suppose I should say congratulations."   "Thanks. At least it's a step up from Santorum."

Mediscare

"...so I've got the ball, and Cantor is coming at me fast, so I give him a look like this, like I'm going to drive towards the basket, and he pauses just long for me to jump, and bingo, three points. Fools him every time."   "Wow. I've never played basketball. I find it fascinating that you shout bingo when you score."   "You don't have to. That's just something I came up with. A lot of guys say 'in yo face'."   "That's because you, sir, are an individualist. Maybe the kind of guy who should run for president."   "Like I told you earlier, Neil, I have no intention of running for president. I have enough work to do with the budget."   "I know... So, you ever play any b-ball with Boehner?"   "No, he's really not into that sort of thing. Listen, Neil, the segment is almost over and we still haven't talked at all about Medicare reform."   "I know...  I just find that such a depressing topic right now. I mean, I feel like you guys are inching away from the whole thing, and then we lost New York's 26th district last night, and..."   "Listen, Neil, that was just one race that was thrown by a third party candidate, and..."   "I know... A Tea Party candidate who liked Medicare."   "Jack Davis is a Tea Party candidate in name only, Neil. He's always been a Democrat in the past."   "I know... So what you're saying is that Jane Corwin lost to two Democrats who liked Medicare. I feel as though the fruit of your effort is withering on the vine."   "Buck up, soldier. The fact is, the Democrats weren't running on Medicare, they were running on Mediscare."   "I don't even know what that means."   "Mediscare. It's a word that I made up by combining Medicare and scare."   "Sarah Palin is better at making up words than you... But since she isn't running for president, maybe you should."   "I think she may still, Neil, but I'm not. I've got far too much..."   "I know... You've got far too much work to do on the budget. It's just that I feel your budget is doomed, Congressman Ryan. You can't even get people to support you on Medicare reform."   "Like I said, it's because the Democrats are trying to scare people by telling them we're trying to take their Medicare away."   "I know, but that's what you're doing. You need to convince them that that's a good and necessary thing, but I'm kind of giving up hope that you can get your message through. The latest FOX poll shows that 76% of voters oppose you."   "We have to educate them. Leaders have to lead, and that's exactly what I'm doing."   "I know... But it seems like you're leading us to disaster... I sure did enjoy being the majority, even if it was just in the House."   "You're depressing me, Neil."   "I know, but the segment is almost over. And I guess so is your stint in the Congress, since I don't see any Republicans from Wisconsin being reelected in 2012. Well, I appreciate you being on 'Our World with Neil Cavuto', Congressman Ryan. We're out of time for this segment."   "I know, thank God."

Your World with Neil Cavuto

Undeclared GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney became quite miffed today during a brief FOX News interview with Neil Cavuto, visibly furrowing his brow several times and at one point even muttering under his breath. From the transcript:   Cavuto: Joining us now is former governor and possible presidential contender Mitt Romney, creator of the Massachusetts monstrosity known as Romneycare. Good afternoon, Governor. How long do we need to keep up this ridiculous pretense of calling you a possible presidential contender?   Romney: That's a good question, Neil. As you know, there haven't been any major candidates who have declared thus far, so it would probably be foolish of me to be the first.   Cavuto: Yes, but you were the first governor to establish a state-wide health care plan with an unconstitutional individual mandate. Are you saying that doesn't make you feel foolish?   Romney: Not at all, Neil. The needs of my state at that time are quite different from the needs of the nation at this time, so I...   Cavuto: But you wouldn't dispute my contention that what you did was unconstitutional, would you?   Romney: Yes I would, Neil. When you look at...   Cavuto: You probably should be in jail. Or at the very least, subject to one of those, uh, you know, where they vote you out of office before the end of your term...   Romney: I think recall election is the term you're searching for. We can always discuss this at another time, Neil, but I'd like to get to the topic that we had agreed to discuss.   Cavuto: The New Jersey presidential preference poll? I've totally lost interest in that. Back to Romneycare, I wonder if...   Romney: It is interesting, Neil, and it is significant. I beat out Governor Christie in his own state.   Cavuto: Yeah, yeah, 12 to 11 with a three point margin of error, big woof.   Romney: I think the significant thing...   Cavuto: Please, Governor, if you want to discuss this I think we should mention the follow-up, 'How would you vote if Chris Christie were a declared candidate?' He beat you 21 to 8 when it was phrased that way.   Romney: In all fairness, Neil, I'm an undeclared candidate also.   Cavuto: Oh my, aren't we the coy one. Now Governor, I wonder if you'd like to apologize to America for introducing Romneycare? David Axelrod said today, on a different network, that you were the inspiration for Obamacare...   Romney: He's just trying to get my goat. The Obama administration spends more time talking about me than 'Entertainment Tonight' spends talking about Charlie Sheen.   Cavuto: That was a pretty good line the first few times I heard it but you know, I watched 'Entertainment Tonight' yesterday and they've moved on to other things. Now the way I see it, if it wasn't for you, we wouldn't even be going through this national nightmare that is Obamacare - or maybe we should call it by it's real name, national Romneycare - if not for you.   Romney: That's not really fare, Neil. I was...   Cavuto: In a way, you could say that Romneycare is even worse that Obamacare because it was created by a Republican, which really makes you a traitor. Would it be fair to call you the Republican Benedict Arnold?   Romney: No it wouldn't. Listen, Neil, I prayed about it and I asked God to forgive me for what I did, and I believe He has.   Cavuto: Sorry. I don't think it works that way.   Romney: But it worked for Newt Gingrich...   Cavuto: Governor, Governor, Governor, you have really tried my patience here today, but before I go, let me explain a few things to you. First, that was on the Christian Broadcasting Network, and they don't really get a lot of good guests like we do here at FOX News. Secondly, unlike Romneycare, Newt was praying for forgiveness from a transgression of the flesh, while you're a Mormon. And finally, let me ask you a question. Are you a former and future employee of FOX News?   Romney: No. [inaudible]...   Cavuto: There you go. Thank you so much for appearing here today on 'Your World with Neil Cavuto', Governor Arnold.

Rudy and Mahmoud express displeasure with new nuclear policy

The man known as 'America's Mayor' and the man known as 'The Handsomest Guy in Iran' found themselves surprisingly in agreement today as they appeared together via live video on the FOX News 'Your World with Neil Cavuto' to debate the topic of President Obama's nuclear weapons plan. Although coming from two different directions, they both agreed that the new strategy was both inept and insane. "President Obama thinks we can all hold hands, sing songs, and have peace symbols," Giuliani said. "North Korea and Iran are not singing along with the president. Knowing that, it just doesn’t make sense why we would reduce our nuclear arms when we face these threats." "In truth, the people of Iran know very few American songs," replied Ahmadinejad, "but I totally agree that holding hands should be discouraged in public. But you know, Mayor Giuliani, American materialist politicians, whenever they are beaten by logic, immediately resort to their weapons like cowboys." "Cowboys? More like hooligans if you ask me. As mayor, I fought for tougher gun control laws, and they brought down crime dramatically. On the other hand, Barack Obama has taken so many steps backward in dealing with national security. Don't you think, President Ahmadinejad, that Obama just doesn't understand the concept of leverage?" "Indeed I do, Mayor Giuliani. If I could speak to him right now I would say 'Mr. Obama, you are a newcomer to politics. Wait until your sweat dries and get some experience. Be careful not to read just any paper put in front of you or repeat any statement recommended'." "Absolutely, Mr President. I worked for a president, Ronald Reagan, who understood that brilliantly, and that’s how he won the Cold War. You need to appear to be unpredictable. Reagan’s State Department understood that you need to create pressure, to create something they’re afraid of. Tell me where Obama has done that." "I can't tell you, Mayor Giuliani, because Iran is not afraid of some paper tiger who is under the pressure of capitalists and the Zionists. He couldn't do a damn thing." "Well, he couldn't do a damn thing right, I'll grant you that. Say, do you mind if I call you Mahmoud?" "Not at all, Rudy. You know I like the philosophy of Ronald Reagan you just brought up, that you need to create something people are afraid of. Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, the man I work for, follows much the same philosophy." "I'll tell you straight, Mahmoud, a nuclear-free world has been a 60-year dream of the Left, just like socialized health-care." "Yes, it is a foolish dream to think that Iran would willingly give up our nuclear destiny." "Don't let the bastards get you down, Mahmoud. This is an administration in a state of confusion about how to deal with terrorism. They’re out of control. It’s not inconsequential how the president dithers over so many issues, yet when it comes to dealing with Israel, one of our strongest allies, he doesn’t show much ambiguity." "That is a certainty, Rudy. He always greets Israel with the sort of hugs and kisses a mother would offer a child." "Are you kidding? With Israel, he has been extremely hostile." "Sorry, Rudy, I forgot that you don't hate the Jews." "No apology needed, Mahmoud, I forgot that you do. But with everything else we have in common, let's just agree to disagree on that one."