...Gibbs daily press briefing already in progress...

Gibbs: ...so quite frankly, it boggles the mind that anyone, particularly the GOP Chair, would object to an American president who is personally willing to lobby for having the Olympics - which is not only the most prestigious but also the most lucrative of all sporting events - right here in the United States of America... Todd [mumbles]: Mitt Romney acts as though it's some kind of credential... Gibbs: That wasn't phrased in the form of a question, Chuck, but it's a good point nonetheless. I guess a lot of our colleagues in the GOP can only see an American Olympics as a good thing when there is a potential Republican presidential candidate in the mix. I guess that's why they want our Olympic bid to fail, so that they can run Romney in 2012 as the candidate who got the Olympics, where as Barack Obama failed. But while it's true that Romney supervised certain aspects of the 2002 Olympics, the games had already been 'got' long before his involvement. And may I remind you, they were hosted in Utah. Tony? Fratto: I was just going to say Salt Lake City sucks. Really. And I also wanted to challenge your basic premise that Mitt Romney could ever get the Republican nomination. Gibbs: You're probably right, Tony, I'm sure he's seen as way too mainstream, and then there's that little matter of health care in Massachusetts. But as to your statement that Salt Lake City sucks, I'd remind you that it's all relative. How about Tehran? Maybe Michael Steele would like to see the games go to Iran. Or maybe he sees himself jetting off to Pyongyang on a junket... Stevens: Why does Michael Steele hate America? Gibbs: I think it's because he has a deep-seated distrust... Stevens: I was just saying that as a joke, Robert. Well, not a joke exactly, more like an ironic rejoinder. Gibbs: Well, I guess that you've just wasted your question for the day. Helen? Helen: Yes, Bob... I wanted to get the White House's reaction to remarks by Congressman Frank Trent from Arizona calling President Obama an "enemy to humanity ... who has no place in any station of government", and also that due to his perverse nature, "we shouldn't be shocked that he does all these other insane things." That was quite harsh. Gibbs: I've heard harsher. And Helen, the guy's name is Trent Franks. I don't blame you for getting that mixed up, since it's probably the first and last time we'll ever see his name in print. But I do want to give you an update on that. Mr. Franks has since apologized and clarified his remarks by saying that what he meant was that the President is a threat to unborn humanity. Quite a big difference, meaning all of you are safe. Major? Garrett: I would postulate that the President is also a threat to elderly humanity. Isn't that fair? Gibbs: There you go again, Garrett, and then you guys wonder why we won't do the FOX Sunday shows. I think that everybody knows that death panels are no more a reality in the Obama health care plan than they are in the typical commercial insurance plan. Maybe even less so. Which is to say...

Things I'm not awaiting with bated breath

Near the top of my least anticipated list is 'The Beaver', a Jodie Foster directed movie starring Mel Gibson as a depressed CEO who decides to only communicate via a beaver puppet. According to SlashFilm, the script provides this introduction of the beaver: "ANGLE ON the garbage reveals a half buried BEAVER PUPPET, its large plastic eyes staring out from under some refuse. Walter squints, then reaches for it. It turns out to have a large bushy tail and big happy grin. He holds it up. He and the beaver seem to stare blankly at one another for a long time, as if each reading a story in the other’s eyes." At this point, any Oscar talk is probably premature.

Iran Talks

What? What? Did our little rockets scare you? Are you saying that we cannot even test a few missiles without everybody speaking of us as though we were unwary schoolchildren? And I speak not of the good kids, either. My words refer to the rascals, those adorable scamps who are always getting into something or another. The rascals are as rascals will be and generations of Westerners have all been amused by their antics. Yet you look at us as though we were inflicted with a sudden fit of flatulence. Please, give us a break. Diplomatically, your discovery of our new nuclear enrichment facility - well, new to you - is equivalent to having your blessed mother finding a 'Playboy' under your mattress. Embarrassing, true, but there also come a flush of defiance. One feels like yelling 'Oh, please mother, leave my stuff alone'. Or something stronger, such as 'I never asked to be born'. Because it is your property. And it is a rite of passage. Quit snickering, Westerners. If you paid close attention to my words, it will soon dawn on you that in my metaphor about the 'Playboy', the part of the nosey mother was played by you. I, of course, am the young scalawag who is always up to neck in nonsense. And the part of my bratty kid sister is played by Israel, but she is not in this story, nor a part of this discussion. No, I haven't been throwing rocks at my sister again. Merciful heavens, she is forever making stuff up. I did not even throw anything in her direction. I was just testing out my new slingshot, the one I have wanted forever, and perhaps I shot something off in her direction. That Prophet IV has really got some range on it... Israel could be all the way up on the next block and boinnngggg - a rock up side the head. I am just saying that I theoretically could fire a rock that distance, not that I would. Because I would never hit my little sister, unless she were to strike me first. What was that? You are giving me one more chance to sit down and talk straight, and if you do not like what I to say, it is your intention to send me to bed without supper? You cannot do that, I am not a child. I will sneak out and I will get something to eat and I will make you very very sorry. I will blow myself up, I just do not care anymore. Some days I wish that I would die.

quote of the day

"Nobody likes change except a baby." - Dana Perino on Health Care "And if you want to know the real truth of the matter," Dana continued, "even babies don't like it that much. Really, they'd much prefer to wallow in their own shit."

David Lynch Commercial Theater

an occasional feature

Parisienne

GOP impatient with Obama's Afghanistan strategy

Congressional Republicans are growing increasingly impatient with the President's reluctance to give a rapid knee-jerk response to General Stanley McChrystal's strategy assessment for Afghanistan, claiming that his short period of reflection is making it nearly impossible for them to make knee-jerk responses of their own. "It's the height of irresponsibility for the White House to know things that we don't know," said House Minority Leader John Boehner. "Just imagine the outcry in the media if that sort of thing had happened during the Bush administration." Boehner is issuing a demand for McChrystal to appear before Congress post-haste. "Tomorrow would be fine. No, wait. Tomorrow's a Sunday, and I've got to appear on FOX News Sunday. To talk about Afghanistan, for God's sake, and what am I supposed to say? What if I said something definitive and it ends up aligning with the President's position? I mean, sure, I could say that Obama was co-opting me, but I think I've made it pretty clear that he doesn't listen to Congressional Republicans. You can see my dilemma." McChrystal, for his part, has made it clear that he won't testify until after Obama finishes his strategy review. "Well isn't that just dandy," Senator John McCain sarcastically asked. "The president has had McChrystal's report for at least a week already. How difficult is it to reach a conclusion? It's not like trying to read a piece of health care legislation. All he needs to do is say 'Yes, General, anything you want'." "With all due respect to Senator McCain, the matter is not as simple as that," replied Boehner. "What if Obama were to say 'Yes, General, anything you want'? What then? McCain would be standing there alone, blindly supporting the president, totally oblivious to the larger war being waged within the Republican Party. That's some fancy thinking you've got going through your noggin, Senator Maverick."

John McCain's Weird Tales: The Convergence (part 5)

part 1 is here .... part 2 .... part 3 ... part 4

My friends, before we plunge back into our story, I'd like to ask a simple question. How many of you have been on the cover of Time Magazine? Quite a few would raise their hands if I were actually talking to 'my friends', but since I'm only using that phrase rhetorically, I imagine that many of you are puzzled by my question.

There is a strange phenomenon known as the Time Magazine Cover Curse, and it can be quite deadly. This cover, for example, was intended to coincide with the Michael Jackson 'This Is It' comeback shows. Instead, it became the cover of a Very Special Collectible Commemorative Edition.

Or consider this cover from May of 1966 on 'The Jesus Revolution'. Scarcely twelve months later, Time was forced to run a cover asking 'Is God Dead?'

I, too, have suffered mightily from the ravages of Time.

Feelin' all right? I'm not feelin' too good myself.

And now perhaps you can understand why I my be forgiven for suggesting that my question was not without a certain relevance.

What is this curse of Time, and may it somehow be avoided? A curse is naught but a set of possibilities, all of them negative. And no, it can't be avoided.

Cut! John, let's do that last line again, and this time try to leave just a little bit of suspense.

What is this curse of Time? A curse is naught but a set of possibilities, all of them negative. Can it be avoided? Beats the hell out of me. And now without further ado, I'm proud to present...

...and all I can tell you listeners right now is that we are planning something huge, bigger than Woodstock and the 9/12 Tea Party combined. I'll have more info later in the week, but for now, in the words of the Founding Fathers, let's stick it in the wind and blow this pop stand. Tune in again tomorrow for more insight you can only find here. Till then, this is Glenn Beck, signing off.

Great show, Glenn. Masterful. And you know what? I'll bet if that blowhard Rush had just been on the cover of Time magazine he would have spent all three hours crowing about it.

Well, it's not like I was named Man of the Year, Michelle, just Man of the Moment, so no biggie. Man of the Year doesn't come until December. Say, have you ever heard of the Time Magazine cover curse?

I think I have, Glenn, but you might want to refresh my memory.

They say that if you're on the cover of Time magazine that you're destined to have even more money and power that ever before. But enough of that. We've got to go and see The Wizards. I believe that you've set me up a meeting with Rush at 3:00 PM, and Congressman Goodlatte has introduced me to the incredibly talented Renaissance man Rob Zombie, who has arranged a meeting between me and Randy Phillips at 3:00 PM.

Oh, that's so silly, Glenn. How can you be in two places at once when you're not anywhere at all?

Perhaps you're unaware of the phenomenon known as time zones, Michelle. The meeting with Rush is in Palm Beach and the one with Phillips is in London, and there's at least two of those strange zones in between. And now, I'd like you to meet my new friend Art Bell, who is providing us with transportation.

Transportation of a nature that many people are not even willing to acknowledge exists!

Michelle, I'm afraid that you're going to have to ride in the glove compartment...

Nah, she can sit on my lap. All right, everybody on board the Night Train!

My god, this thing is fast. What are we now, in subatomic space? I know I am... Anyway, Michelle, I guess the important thing here is for me to explain to Rush that we're working towards a common goal and convince him that promoting my event to his vast listening audience will benefit us both, insomuch as...

No way, Glenn. Like I told you before, when we see Rush, we've got to literally steal his baton! Once we have his baton, we can absorb all of his followers and lead them backwards.

I suppose that makes a certain amount of sense. So, I guess we're taking the pipe from the Pied Piper.

No way, Glenn. We're stealing the cigar from the Fried Griper... Wow! This thing really is fast! Looks like we're already here...

But where is here? And what is this place? The street appears to be paved with bricks of gold.

It's West Palm Beach, Glenn, where all the goldbrickers live... Now we just need to follow this road... The Rush mansion should be just about two blocks up the street...

Okay... I think I can walk two blocks... Hmm, nice neighborhood, maybe I should tweet my real estate agent... There's the house, dead ahead, and five minutes to spare. Hey, look at that, Michelle. Rush has his own Ruth's Criss Steak House right next door.

No, silly, that's Sean Hannity's house. Say, Glenn, doesn't that doorman look vaguely familiar?

Welcome, folks. Master is expecting you.

I think he used to have a show on CNBC... Let's see... Down the corridor... I guess we should just go through these big golden doors...

Yiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!! I mean, uh, Hiiiiiiii, Mr. Limbaugh... Or should I just call you Rush?

You can call me Rush or you can call me Sir Dittohead or you can call me El Rushbo or you can call me the Doctor of Democracy or you can call me Mount Rushmore or you...

I think I'll call you Rush. The reason I wanted to see you today was to tell you about a concert and protest festival that I'm planning which will be the biggest gathering of conservative Americans ever held. Are you interested, Rush?

You doesn't have to call me Rush. You can call me America's Anchorman or you can call me The Über-sexual or you can call me The Titular Head of the Republican Party or you can call me...

Quck, Glenn, quick! Grab his baton before he brags you into unconsciousness!

Oh no, it's slick with saliva and slipped right out of my hand.

Close but no cigar, little man. You can call me the Maha Rushie or you can call me The Wizard or you can call me Talent on Loan From God or you can call me a Weapon of Mass Instruction or...

Quick, Glenn, one more try! My eyelids are getting heavy...

I think I'll just call you El Has-Been, Limbaugh. I got it, Michelle, I got his baton! Now run like hell!

Leaving so soon? Look out for the flying sharks

Flying sharks? Huh. I think I remember now where I've seen that doorman.

Yiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

...to be continued...

I said no!