Babyface

He's here! He's here! The new dictator is here at last! It was a wildly exciting day in Pyongyang as the very first photo of Kim Jong-un was released, a photograph which confirmed the rumor that the future Supreme Ruler of North Korea was cute as a button.    Kim Jong-un is only 28 years old, which will make him the youngest brutal dictator in North Korean history. Educated at the International School of Berne in Switzerland, his rise to power has been meteoric, primarily due to the fact that his father's health is in decline and Jong-un is the only one of his kids he liked. He is a member of the Central Committee of The Party, a job at which he was obviously so successful that earlier this year he was named as deputy chairman of The Party's military Commission. His lack of military experience has not proven an impediment, and last month he was given the rank of four-star general in the People's Army due to his ability to look absolutely adorable in a uniform. "For sixteen years, North Korea has been under the thumb of a cruel dictator with a face eerily reminiscent of a hatchet," said admiring dung worker Song Yon-hee. "It will be a pleasure to be under the thumb of a babyface like Kim Jong-un."

see you in hell

Say hi to Tea Party favorite Paul LePage. I'm sure, you'll be seeing this face a lot over the next 48 hours, and if he wins the governorship of Maine (he's currently leading), he's destined to be a FOX News favorite. Cause he's so colorful, and if you haven't learned but one thing from politics 2010, it's that America loves colorful. Which means that he should have this race wrapped up after making this intriguing campaign pledge: "As your governor, you're gonna be seeing a lot of me on the front page saying 'Gov. LePage tells Obama to go to hell'." I'm willing to wager that as we speak, this pledge is causing his campaign contributions to go through the roof, because not only does America love colorful, America loves a man with the courage to tell Obama to go to hell. Even those faint souls who might find this a little harsh are still going to love a man with a message, and Paul LePage has a message, the story of his rise to glory. "We came from behind because we have a message. We have a message that says: One, we've had enough of the federal government. We've had enough. Two, we've had enough of the state government. And number three, government should be working for the people, not the people working for the government." Closely examining this platform, I detect a certain inconsistency in the logic of LePage running for office, as well as a contradiction between the stated position of points one and two with point three. But then I'm a nitpicker, and I'm sure LePage would justifiably tell me to go to hell.

I probably don't need to read this, do I?

Steele stands by his bus

(From the Bus Blog) Pictured left to right: Bus driver Dan, Bus blogger Bob, Bus tour manager Madge, Chairman of the Bus Steele, Bus videographer Vicki, Bus photographer Phil, and Bus chef Chaz.    Shaking off criticism like a wet dog, RNC Chairman Michael Steele is firing back at Republican critics who have called his 117-city Fire Pelosi Bus Tour a 'colossal waste of time' and 'his most retarded idea yet'. "Taking a cross-country trip in a big red bus is not my most retarded idea, not by a long shot," said Steele from the hot tub in the back of the bus. "That would have been my idea for urban-suburban hip-hop Republicans. I'll admit it, that was pretty wack. But the bus thing, that's a good idea. I guess some of my critics don't remember the Clinton/Gore Bus Tour back in '92... That bus tour propelled them to victory. Cause people love a good bus tour, know what I'm saying?" While the Clinton/Gore Bus Tour truly was one of the watershed moments in American politics, many doubt that Steele's attempt to replicate it's groundbreaking nature will be successful. For one thing, unlike 'Clinton/Gore Bus Tour', 'Fire Pelosi Bus Tour' doesn't rhyme. "Right. Fine. It doesn't rhyme," concedes Steele. "I suppose I didn't realize that would be a bone of contention with the Party elite. But I tell you what, that bus is a huge motherfucker, it's red, and we got it all tricked out. It's a 2010 Prevost H3-45, know what I'm saying? People turn out to see a bus like that." Another problem with the tour is that none of the 'potential guests' have been showing up, a development that has left Steele to bear the mantle of 'most famous person on the bus'. "Is there a reason I can't catch a break here?" Steele asks with understandable exasperation. "What part of 'potential guests' do you not understand? When I write that Sarah Palin or Newt Gingrich or Marco Rubio or Tim Pawlenty or Lady Gaga or Rick Perry or Glenn Beck or Nikki Haley might show up, that's just what I mean. It could happen. Probably happen when you're least expecting it, Bus driver Dan will open that big front door and Jeb Bush will come strutting right out. But let me ask you, so what if it's just me? If someone told you that one of the Beatles was down at the mall, are you going to be disappointed if you show up and find that it's just Ringo? Of course not." "That's exactly what we're talking about," said one RNC committee member, who spoke on the condition of anonymity. "This is all about Steele getting his name and face out there. It's the Michael Steele Show, and it's a huge waste of money. My God, have you ever been inside a Prevost H3-45? It's like a five star hotel in there. And hiring Chef Chaz, I don't even want to think what that cost. It just makes me sick." "Hey, even Ringo is entitled to a decent meal," replied Steele defensively. "The fact is, we're saving a lot of contributors' money for the Republican Party by ordering a la carte. And sometimes I might be so exhausted that I don't want anything but a cheeseburger. It could happen. And if it does, there's no reason on earth why I shouldn't get the best cheeseburger that money can buy. One more thing; while it's true that the bus has a full bar, that rumor about a wine cellar is pure fiction."

the good news

On a personal level, the good news is that I'm back home. I've only been gone for four days, but this was one of many less than joyous trips I've taken over the past year and a half, trips to less than civilized environs where internet access is as rare as I like my steaks. So I got myself a little netbook with anywhere access. And it is... okay. I was able to post Saturday and Sunday, and the results didn't look too bad, considering the distractions, like the constant reruns of 'CSI: Whatever' that were blasting at top volume. The tiny keyboard combined with a pair of big clumsy hands takes a bit of getting used to, and the aforementioned hands have a way of interacting with the touchpad in a manner that makes the entered text look eerily similar to a Burroughs cut-up. But enough about me. Upon returning I find that the really good news is happening in Afghanistan, where the Taliban are reaching out to President Hamid Karzai, and no, they're not reaching out with a machete. "There are signs that they are ready for talks, and this intensified after the president announced the program of reintegration and reconciliation after the peace jirga," said Karzai spokesman Waheed Omer (and if you can't trust a man named Waheed Omer, who can you trust?) Hey folks, this was a peace jirga, which for those of you not proficient in the Pashtun dialect, is an assembly of tribal elders which make decisions by consensus. So as long as everything there is agreed to by the tribal youngsters, everything should be copasetic. So, exactly why we are at war with our old proxies from the Mujahideen? "Hey, hey, don't gaze at me, bro," said temporary Afghan Commander David Petraeus. "Did I happen to mention, today or in the past, that I just go wherever they friggin send me? Go ask Bush. All I know is that we were going to take out al-Qaeda and then, whoops, there it is." "I'm afraid that President Bush is unavailable to comment on this particular matter," said spokesman Waheed Omer. "As you know, he has a book coming out in a few weeks which will perhaps address all of these issues in detail. Bwah ha ha ha. Anyway, perhaps you should speak to Vice President in absentia Richard Cheney, or at least to his assistant." "Please leave a message at the tone," said the voicemail for Vice President in absentia spokesperson Liz Cheney. "But if you're just calling up to ask why he recommended going to war against his old friends in the Taliban, please call 1-800-7." "Oh, so the the circle ends up with me in the middle, which is not proper circle behavior, so allow me to recommend that you just go fuck yourself," said Karzai spokesman Waheed Omer. "I am currently manning the fires of the presidential hookah, and although our leader is currently deep in thought, he wishes to relay his opinion that the Taliban were not such bad guys after all, and he himself is puzzled by the nature of the... misunderstanding. It seems to date back to 2001, when he had a job offer that no sane future president could refuse, and he suggests that you might get more satisfactory information by talking to his former partner, Ahmad Shah Massoud." "Oh, Allah, that was so long ago," said Ahmad Shah Massoud spokesperson Mary Ann Omer. "But the sad truth is that my uncle Ahmad was assassinated back on September 9, 2001, and can't come to the phone. He did like the Taliban quite a bit, however, and I'm sure that the fact that they're reaching out now to President Karzai is nothing if not good news."

easy to be hard

　

“Have I really said something bad?” President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad asked tearfully today during an interview with Iran's ISNA news agency. “I meant nothing insulting, and yet that is the cruel charge that is being thoughtlessly cast at me by the American bully Obama. Although the situation is quite frightening, the Iranian people look to me to be a tower of strength, and… I shall try.” 　   Ahmadinejad appeared visibly shaken by Obama’s comments on BBC Persian in which he labeled comments made by the Iranian president as ‘offensive’ and ‘hateful’. “I do not have the American president’s silver tongue nor do I share his masterful command of the English language,” explained Ahmadinejad. “That does not mean that I do not have feelings. How can people be so heartless? If you prick me, do I not bleed? Please refrain from attempting to find out.” Obama was reacting to Ahmadinejad’s oft repeated claim that the 9/11 attacks were staged by American officials, and his expressed his desire for a UN tribunal. He said that ‘making offensive statements like this does not serve the interests of the Iranian people’. Ahmadinejad insisted that as a concerned world citizen, he had simply been ‘defending the rights’ of American citizens, an assertion Obama dismissed as ‘inexcusable’. “Inexcusable?” replied the stunned Iranian. “I would ask him for an apology, but I guess that would be futile. I know he would like to see me grovel, but I just cannot bring myself to do so. How can people be so cruel? It is easy to be hard, I suppose. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother trying.”

progress continues

“Not too shabby for the world’s second most corrupt country,” mused Secretary of State Hillary Clinton as she surveyed the results of Afghanistan’s parliamentary elections. “Sure, there was widespread fraud during this round, but only enough to affect the results in about a third of the provinces. That’s a passing grade in anybody’s book, and almost as good as South Carolina.” “I knew we could do it,” said proud president Hamid Karzai. “I knew Afghanistan could have elections that weren’t completely fraudulent. Why, all you have to do is look back at the last election of me in order to see the enormous progress we’ve made. You know, we haven’t had a bloody coup in years, which is really fortunate from my personal point of view.” “What a long strange trip it’s been,” Karzai continued, taking a deep, reflective draw on the presidential hookah. “Just in the course of my brief lifetime, Afghanistan has been a monarchy, a theocracy, we’ve had a military junta and a communist state, and here we are today, a not quite entirely corrupt Islamic Republic. We are quite the versatile country, are we not? We’ve been everything but a utopian society.” “It’s true that they’re a long way from being a utopian society, although usually when I see President Karzai he does seem to be on a higher plane,” said General David Petraeus. “The important thing is that Afghanistan is a couple steps up from a completely dystopian society, and I guess that surely justifies the American sacrifice. Whatever, I just go where they tell me to go.” “I’m reviewing the reports on the irregularities, and the thing that really stands out is the absence of total mayhem,” notes Petraeus, who admits that he’s anxious to get this legacy tarnishing tour of duty behind him. “I know there are some, like Senator McCain, who thought we would need to be in Afghanistan for a hundred years. Believe me, nobody needs that sort of heartache, and thankfully the Afghan people have stepped up. Sure, there was ballot stuffing, but that just demonstrates how much the people love voting. There was some intimidation of election officials, some vote buying, and some handcuffing and detention of election workers. But you’ll also note that no candidates were assassinated and there were no reports of massive voter execution.” “That was pretty sweet,“ agreed President Obama. “And my goodness, just look at the time. It’s already half way to August 2011. I guess we’ve done about all we can. Time to get out of Dodgedihar.”

　

GOP unveils exciting new PowerPoint presentation

Casually dressed in an attempt to avoid being confused with despicable 'real politicians', the GOP House leadership appeared this morning at Moe's Lumber Yard in Sterling, Virginia, to unveil their latest PowerPoint presentation, 'A Pledge to America'. Unlike previous pledges to America, this one contained 21 pages, several of which had actual words printed on them. The charts, however, continued the proud Republican tradition of being quite colorful. "I must say that I'm quite proud of this one," said Kevin McCarthy, the congressman in charge of developing the pledge (which in a remarkable display of dexterity also serves as a plan). "Four staffers, three weeks, and worth every man-hour. There in the center is the Secretary of Health and Human Services, as you can plainly see. We could have just put in a picture of Kathleen Sebelius, but this chart is meant to be completely reusable unless something changes. Now look at all the circles around her. Makes you mad, doesn't it? Hell yeah, it makes you mad. You're not going to see nearly that many circles after we retake the House, although we do intend to retain enough diamonds and rectangles to meet the public need." "Now this one here you'll no doubt find mind boggling. I know my mind was boggled, which unfortunately isn't that uncommon an occurrence up here on Capitol Hill. I never in my life thought that I'd have to use puce on a pie chart, but it's a pretty graphic representation of just how man types of Federal assistance there are. For God's sake, you either assist somebody or you don't, you shouldn't have to go through every color in the rainbow... Not that there's puce in the rainbow... The GOP is making a pledge that we will consolidate some of the more attractive slices into one considerably smaller pie to be called the Department of Assistance." Here's a chart that's liable to give you the heebie-jeebies. I know it certainly scared the crap out of me. It shows just how many times martial law has been declared in the past four sessions of Congress. Now as you can clearly see, the Democrats have used it even more than we have. The plain fact is, though, that we've both used it too much, so we're pledging that when we're back in power that we'll only declare martial law once and keep it there, rather than all this wasteful vacillation. There are certain agenda items that are so well known that we saw no reason to state them again in this agenda. We fully intend to restore and augment the Bush tax cuts, put an end to illegal immigration, loosen burdensome financial regulations, and above all, repeal health care reform. This is our pledge to America. These are things that should be and will be done. But what if due to massive voter fraud we somehow fail to take back the House this November? That bring us to our final chart, which should be self-explanatory.

Ballad of a Spin Man

Almost anyone who spends much time reading political commentary has one special pundit who attracts them like a car crash by virtue of their pure awfulness - their ideas, their attitudes, their execution, or a combination of these. Tengrain believes that Richard Cohen is the bottom of the barrel, while Driftglass swears that it's David Fucking Brooks. For me, the choice is obvious - Cal Thomas, the babbling toupee who in the span of five hundred words can whip pretentiousness, vapidity, ridiculousness and incoherence into a fine purée of mind numbing dullness. He is a master, of sorts, at least in the sense that I am completely unable to parody him. I've tried before, I tried again today, and it's simply beyond me. Forty-four years ago, Bob Dylan's music showed up on a bootleg album with the incendiary title 'While the Establishment Burns'. That's the first line of Cal's latest column, 'Burn the establishment', in which he expresses his, uh, burning desire to stick it to the man. I love the image it conjures of Cal flipping through his extensive and well worn stack of Dylan bootlegs, searching for the perfect phrase to encapsulate his rage. He's mad, but not just at the liberals - that's so passé. Karl Rove, George W. Bush's 'architect' within the political establishment, said that Delaware Senate nominee Christine O'Donnell can't win in November. He then gave the Democrats enough negative sound bites about O'Donnell for them to use in their TV ads for far-left Democratic Senate candidate Chris Coons. Cal is so angry that he is no longer even willing to give Rove his due. You can hear him saying the word arrrrkitek like a pirate, fuming at the very thought of someone helping out that Socialist Chris Coons, a man who is quite obviously insane, unlike the bewitching Christine.  After all, who is free of baggage, including several current and former members of Congress? Who shall go unnamed until Cal's next column, 'Current and former members of congress with baggage'. It's so unfair. The nation need an occasional turnover, even revolution... And here they come now, the old wild men, Cal flanked by George Will and Pat Buchanan and Fred Barnes and David Fucking Brooks and of course Krauthammer with the heavy artillery. They want a white riot, a riot of their own. The big media treated the anti-establishment rebellion of the '60s as something good. They will treat this attempt to overthrow the establishment as something bad... I wasn't overselling, was I? Pretentiousness, vapidity, ridiculousness, incoherence, all in one neat package, today featuring bonus self-righteousness. Come on, Cal, wrap it up in a way that'll make us all proud. When Dylan sang, "The Times They Are A-Changin'," the pot-smoking, free love, anti-establishment hippies sang with him. Drum roll.. Conservatives can now sing Dylan's lyrics.

Blood Oath

Unhinged Iowa Congressman Steve King today sought to expand on widely ignored comments he made Monday in regards to his efforts to repeal health care reform. King felt the clarification was necessary in light of the fact that he had not been ridiculed by a single MSNBC host. To add insult to injury, he received only one brief mention on FOX, but that didn't count because it was from Steve Doocy. "I thought what I said was extreme enough to rile up any number of talking heads," explained King, "but when the news cycle is totally dominated by a pretty, young Tea Party babe's flirtation with the Devil, it can be hard to cut through the clatter." "To reiterate, I was talking about my plan to add a health care repeal amendment to every appropriations bill we get next year, and if the Senate don't pass our version, then we don't pass theirs. So you see, the government gets shut down bit by bit, and before long, it grinds to a halt and we all go on vacation. Pretty good plan, huh, but like I said, I was worried about our leadership getting wobbly in the resolve department. In particular, Boehner the Soft-hearted. So I said we should make him sign an oath - a blood oath." "A home run, I figured. But no, I couldn't believe it, I didn't even make it onto Ed Schultz's crazy talk segment. All he wanted to talk about was Christine O'Donnell having a picnic with a bunch of witches on a blood splattered satanic altar. I'm telling you, the media is just obsessed with sensationalism." "I got to thinking about it and it occurred to me that when I was talking about a blood oath, these news people were thinking of that little ritual young people do all the time, where they slice open their palms and then rub their hands together. You know, the normal kid stuff. But what I was really talking about was the blood oaths that used to be practiced in the early days of the Latter Day Saints during their Endowment rituals. I've been reading up on that and it seemed like it would work pretty well for the Republican caucus." "See, they had to take an oath of secrecy that they would never reveal the secrets of the ceremony, but if they did, they'd be subject to face the music, if you get my meaning. Hold on, I've got it all written down, just waiting for Boehner to agree to take his oath. Here we go: Stage 1, my throat be cut from ear to ear, and my tongue torn out by its roots; Stage 2,our breasts be torn open, our hearts and vitals torn out and given to the birds of the air and the beasts of the field; and Stage 3, our body be cut asunder and all your bowels gush out." "Seems to me you wouldn't even need a stage 3, but those people were just as serious about their Endowment rituals as I am about repealing health care reform. I hope this clears things up, and I think I can say without fear of contradiction that this is a heck of a lot more interesting than having a couple of sandwiches with Beelzebub." "Oh, one more thing. Like all serious politicians, I have a book coming out, November 9th, just one week after we take back the House and get down to the important job of shutting down the government. And in kind of a crazy coincidence the name of my book is 'Blood Oath'. It's about this president, and he's a pretty bad guy, he has his own vampire which he uses to suck all the hope and freedom out of the American people. I don't know where he got the vampire, because in the book his past is all dark and shadowy, but he's got one. Things look pretty grim for the entire world, but then there's this congressman, he's from Iowa. Write what you know, I always say. Anyway, this congressman knows that there's only one man who can save the world, and that man is Ronald Regan." "Well, that's all I want to tell you about it, because I've got to get back to the hard work of repealing health care or at least shutting down the government. Plus, I don't want to give away too much about the book or you might not buy it, just like America isn't buying the Obama agenda. But just let me say that if you like vampires and you like zombies but you're not so keen on the president, this is the book you've been waiting for."

The Breakfast Club, Part 5: Welcome to the New World Order

Part 1........Part 2......Part 3.....Part 4

Good morning, young Eric! The Magical Mystery Tour is coming to take you away.

Thanks, Professor, nice of you to offer me a ride to Robertson's place. I was... uh oh, you. You're not here for another bailout, are you? Because I really caught hell for my TARP vote.

Heavens no, Mister Cantor. Goldman Sachs repaid that ages ago. As a matter of fact, I'm here with Mister Gingrich to discuss the possibility of offering you a generous bit of assistance.

He's riding with us out to Robertson's, Eric. Mister Blankfein is an outstanding gentleman, and I'm sure you'll find his assistance can be virtually unlimited.

Thanks to the Supreme Court, that's truer than ever. Now hop in my limo and let's head on down to the pancake house.

...you know, I don't believe I've ever been in a car with a ride this smooth before. And these seats! This must be that fine Corinthian leather that I used to hear about when I was a kid.

Indeed it is. I can tell you're a man who appreciates the finer thing in life, Mister Cantor. I'm sure a man such as yourself can hardly be content with remaining a number two...

True, but from what you and Mister Gingrich have been telling me, there's no doubt that with your assistance we're going to take the House back, and then with Boehner as Speaker, I guess I'll be the Majority Leader. I mean, technically that's still a number two, but it'll still be a really big step up for a young gun like me.

Think about that for a moment, Cantor. With a Republican majority, you'll find yourself in a much bigger pool, one in which Boehner will be number three behind Obama and Biden. The pro tempore of the Senate is number four, and then the rest of the top dogs are cabinet members. You not only will no longer be number two in the big pool, you won't even be on the list. Two words - Steney Hoyer.

You deserve better than that, Mister Cantor, much better. You deserve fine Corinthian leather, and an Air Force Gulfstream C-20B to shuttle you about.

Well I hardly see the sense in that. It's less than a two hour drive from my office to my house in Richmond. Besides, how would I get a Gulfstream C-20B?

The Speaker of the House has one of those at their command, young Eric. Listen, don't get the wrong idea. John Boehner has been very useful to the cause and we're both quite fond of him.

At the same time, it's quite clear that he's reached his pinnacle, while you still have room to grow. And then there's the sad reality of Mister Boehner's health. He is a heavy smoker, and with the way he tans, his body is a fertile breeding ground for cancer. That is, if his liver doesn't get him first. He's quite the drinker, you know.

So... You guys think I should challenge him for Speaker? I'll have to admit, I have been playing around with the idea. I think we need more young guns in leadership.

Indeed we do. Mister Cantor. And I'm pleased to say that if you're interested, I'll be there behind the scenes to help and make it happen.

Five days earlier...

Reese, please get Mister Boehner and Mister Blankfein another scotch, and another iced tea for Mister Romney. Mister Koch and Mister Koch, are you sticking with coffee?

No, Krauthammer, we're ready for something stronger. Double espresso, extra strong, with a Red Bull chaser.

And I'll have a vodka martini, shaken not stirred. Now to business. As you my have surmised, Monsieurs Boehner and Romney, I am the spokesman for a group of businessmen and corporate officers who are committed to the task of pulling our great nation back from the edge of the Socialist abyss at which it teeters.

Amen to that. I couldn't agree more, and I was on board from that first meeting at Robertson's house as soon as I learned that your group was going to fund a Republican takeover.

And now you're going to learn a little more detail, Mister Romney. You see, we are in essence a grass roots organization, and much as Mister Svanberg and Ms Whitman recruited you, we would like to be able to rely on you to bring in others. Now in order for you to...

Uh, question Mister Krauthammer... I don't know anybody named Svanberg.

First off, it's not Mister Krauthammer, it's just plain Krauthammer. Secondly, that was not a question, it was a statement. And Mister Svanberg didn't recruit you so the fact that you don't know him is irrelevant. Now as I was saying, in order for you to effectively work with us in an expanded role, there are things you need to understand. A few words, Mister Blankfein.

Thank you, Krauthammer. At this point in time, there is a striking lack of understanding among the American people of how vital corporate interests are to the public interests, and how closely the two are intertwined. In the past, people were justifiably proud of their corporations and understood the virtue of yielding to their higher wisdom. Today, at long last, the conservative movement is within reach of helping us to return to...

Hey, our drinks are here! Go ahead and put me in for another, Miss.

...and the immense institutional knowledge of the corporate mind ends up being vastly underutilized in the public sector. After all, who better knows the business of governing than those who govern business? Who better knows how to deal with the nation's economy than those who have built economies of scale? I believe you understand that quite well, don't you, Mister Romney? You had quite a nice string of successful leveraged buyouts when you ran Bain Capital.

Oh boy, did he ever. During the time he was the head of Bain they had a rate of return on realized investments of something like 120 percent.

It was only 113 percent, but thank you for noticing. The thing is, the skills I learned in business - even in my highly successful stint as CEO for the 2002 Olympics - didn't really transition all that well into the political world like I thought they would, until I came to the important realization that the real job of a leader was to lead, not to try and dream up policy.

Me, I was at Nucite Sales for a few years, worked my way up to President... Nucite Sales, it was a small packaging and plastics business in Cincinnati... Can I have another drink, please?

Ahem... As Mister Romney so astutely put it, politicians really do not have a role to play in policy, other than to try and choose their policy advisers wisely. Thankfully, the Republicans have been doing just that. But a word of warning - the cake is almost baked.

Cake? Oh, that's good, although I'd really prefer a sandwich. All I had for breakfast was a Pop Tart and it's way past my lunchtime, and to be honest I'm starting to feel a little...

That was a metaphor, John.

A petit four? I know what that is, Mitt Romney. I've been to my share of Washington fancy pants parties, too. I don't really give a shit what they serve for snacks as long as I get something in my belly.

What Krauthammer was attempting to say is that our 2010 involvement is largely finished. The rich are angry and the rabble are roused by the righteousness of their plight, so whatever will be will be. We are now focusing on laying the foundation for our 2012 takeover.

Yes we can, yes we can, get on board with the New World Order!

So few people truly understand the New World Order. If they think of it at all it's in terms of some shadowy conspiracy into which they project their individual fears and insecurities, so naturally adherents to the concept come off as a bit unhinged. They do, however, understand the basic premise correctly - the New World Order is in effect a One World Government. And as you should be able to deduce by now, the New World Order very much exists as the One World Government of the multinational corporation.

So let me see if I understand where you're going with this. Your next phase is ensuring the empowerment of politicians who will completely submit to your will. I am so psyched!

As I knew you would be, Mister Romney. As I knew you would be.

Well, I'm not going to submit to anybody's will. I'm going to be Speaker, Speaker of the House!

Perhaps, Mister Boehner, but I am Speaker for this House, and at the moment, this is the only House that matters. You need to understand that clearly. You need to understand exactly who it is that you work for, who you've always worked for... Reese, get Mister Boehner another drink. Make it a double.

And some chicken wings.

Welcome aboard, Mister Romney. I look forward to a long and mutually rewarding relationship. Mister Blankfein will finish your processing and see you out.

Thank you, Krauthammer, I won't let you down.     What's next, Mister Blankfein?

We just need to do your retinal scan and you'll be an official member of The Breakfast Club. Then you're welcome to stay and mingle, and when you're ready to leave, we'll see to your transportation.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ...

Should I wake up the drunk, Mister Blankfein?

No, Reese, Dante can take care of him later. Just put the Dugan Bag on his head and let him sleep.   Come along, Mister Romney, let's be on our way.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ...

Back to today...

That's Robertson's house, young Eric, right up at the end of the street. Hope you don't mind if we let you out here and arrange a driver for your return home.

Oh. You guys aren't coming in?

No, we're not, Mister Cantor. Democratic operatives have been scoping it out, and we've already been seen there twice. You know what they say - two times is a coincidence, three times is a pattern.

That's... very wise. Okay, well thanks for the ride, and I'm going to give your offer a lot of thought.

Quick, Sarah! Get on the other side of the bush! A car just stopped up the block with Newt Gingrich and that Blankfein guy in it... They're letting somebody out of the back.

Oh that's, uh... Eric Cantor. This is so weird.

You bet it's weird, and seeing Newt and Blankfein makes it even weirder. Mitt Romney, Sean Hannity, Karl Rove, Michael Steele, and... who was that other guy?

John Paulson, from Paulson and Company. He made a fortune betting against the housing market. You know, he's a hedge fund manager.

Hee hee hee, you are so funny, Debbie. You said hedge fund manager and here we are hiding behind a hedge. I bet you could...

Hush, Sarah... You're not going to believe this, but George Soros just got out of a car and he seems to be looking right at us.

How very odd... A talking bush.

Here comes the young gun now. Hey, I'd like you to meet someone. This is John Paulson. He's one of your biggest supporters. Literally.

Good to meet you, Eric. Hey, funny story. I bet a friend a million bucks yesterday that this breakfast would blow, but now that I've got a whiff of it, I'm afraid I'll have to write that off as a operating loss.

Heh... Oh, hi Michael. And, uh, Mister Rove. Good to see you, Mister Romney. Other than you, I wasn't sure who all was going to be here.

Please call me Mitt, Eric. And this should be the entire crew. Now if the preacher will just hurry up with those pancakes, we can get started.

I'll get that.    Oh, Mister Huckabee...

Hello, Michael. I know you all weren't expecting me this morning, but Mister Blankfein personally urged me to attend...

...to be continued...